When I first came into CPA, I was a confused mess emotionally. The first sixty-one years of my life, I was in good health, exercised daily, and was health conscious. I tried to do the things I felt would keep me healthy. I thought I was doing everything right . . . except, it didn’t work out the way I planned. Suddenly, at age sixty-one, I was driven to bed by excruciating pain.

I then went on a quest to find a solution, as probably most people do. I tried lots of remedies and read a lot about my condition and about pain. I gathered information, tried different treatments and medications, but it became apparent to me that my pain was not going to go away. Gradually, I came to accept that it was probably a permanent part of my life. Accepting this was very hard for me.

I have now been in pain for six years. I have adjusted, made changes in my home for more comfort, left my job as I could no longer sit for long, stopped driving due to pain, lost some friends, and made some new ones. I moved to a new city that was closer to family because I sensed my own increasing vulnerability and fragility. I was feeling afraid of the unknowns and what the future would bring.

But since I’ve been going to CPA meetings, reading the materials, and reaching out to my Higher Power, I have a new level of peace and contentment. I believe it comes from being part of a group, feeling less lonely, and getting comfortable with the fact that I am powerless over this pain. In a sense, I have admitted defeat, and the irony is that by doing that, I feel empowered.

I have tools to help me with whatever might come my way. I have a fellowship that I’m connected to, where others listen and understand. And I have trust in my Higher Power, which has never promised me that I won’t suffer, but it has guaranteed me that I will never be alone. I love the slogan Let Go and Let God. I have had to do this. I have had no choice.

When I came in to CPA, I was not coping well on my own. I was lost and confused. Today, I feel much more centered knowing that I have a group that understands me. I have a lot more peace now, and it keeps increasing.

I accept my pain as one of the things “I cannot change.” With the help of my Higher Power, I have serenity and accept things as they are, just for today. I learned in CPA that I can be happy, even with my pain.