I was a single mother of a wonderful eight-year-old daughter. I had a good job, a house and a car. I was almost thirty years old, and I was happy and living a good life. My main goal was to raise my daughter and provide a good education for her. I thought everything was going to be wonderful . . . until one day when I fell at work.

I didn’t think much of the fall at the time, but I did report it to my supervisor. I finished out the day since I had only one hour left of my twelve-hour shift. I didn’t know at the time how the fall would change my life in many ways.

When I arrived home and removed my shoes, I discovered a goose egg on the back of my left ankle, so I went to the hospital. The doctor there told me I had a ruptured Achilles tendon and to stay off my foot and see a surgeon in a week. He put a cast on my left foot and ankle and gave me crutches.

I gave my employer a note from the emergency room doctor and told him what the doctor said about not putting weight on my foot. My employer responded by telling me I needed to see the workers’ compensation doctor, so I went within a week of the fall. My foot and ankle were hurting severely, but the new doctor took the cast off and told me I could return to my regular duties at work. I followed his orders.

My foot and ankle weren’t getting any better, so I went back to the company doctor. He began doing injections in my foot and ankle, and he told me I needed to start physical therapy. I began therapy while continuing to work the same hours. My foot still wasn’t getting any better; in fact, it was getting worse. A month or so after the fall, I went back again to the company doctor. This time, I took my records and x-rays from the emergency room, and the doctor recast my leg. I had to go back several times because I kept breaking the cast at work. Eventually the doctor gave me a walking boot.

A year-and-a-half went by, and I was still doing physical therapy and working as much as I could. The company doctor sent me to a specialist who performed various tests and told me I had reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome (RSDS). This was the first time I had ever heard of the disorder. The specialist performed surgery on my foot and ankle. By then, I had been in a cast and walking boot for about two years, was still on crutches, and the pain was still getting worse.

After more tests, I was referred to yet another doctor. Then both doctors said I had RSDS on my left side. The pain made walking difficult. It was a sharp, burning, cutting, stabbing, crushing pain. At times, the pain would get so bad that I didn’t know if I could go on. As a result, I was sent to a pain doctor who treated me with a lumbar block, which is an injection in the spine. I had a negative reaction to the treatment, which resulted in a stay in the intensive care unit at the hospital. Although the block helped bring the pain level down, I couldn’t have another one because of the reaction.

About three years after the fall, the doctor put me on light duty at work and told me to stay off my foot as much as I could. At first my employer was cooperative, but as time passed, I was required to stand on my feet more and more. At this point, the pain was out of control. People were starting to say it was all in my head, and I was starting to believe them. I wondered, “Am I going crazy or what?” I started seeing both a psychologist and psychiatrist, and they removed me from my workplace.

I was so miserable that I started withdrawing from life. I would cry at the drop of a hat, and I would yell at people for the smallest things. I was told that I was manic-depressive and was referred to an anger management doctor.

I was very scared. It was recommended that I try a spinal cord stimulator to treat the pain. I tried it, and it cut my pain level almost in half, which was good, because by now the original pain had spread and was in both legs and feet. Along with the stimulator, I had to take pain medications, attend physical therapy three times a week, and do exercises at home every day. I also saw the anger management doctor, the psychiatrist, and the psychologist regularly. They were all telling me I needed to learn how to live with this and that I needed to learn a new way of thinking.

The pain made it difficult to sleep at night. I slept only two or three hours. I took so many different medicines that I had to write them down so I didn’t forget which I had taken or how many I had taken. I found it difficult to think clearly, sometimes forgetting what I had just said or what I was doing.

Since the original injury, I have been through surgeries, different doctors, therapy groups, psychologists and psychiatrists, and an anger management doctor. There is still no hope for a cure in sight. Because of all the medications I have taken, my liver and kidneys have been damaged. My illness was very hard on my family and loved ones. Feeling like I had lost everything, there were times I didn’t care whether I lived or died.

One day, not too long ago, I found CPA’s website and started reading their Twelve Steps. It was as if someone had turned on a light for the first time after many years in the dark. I felt hopeful for the first time.

I sit here now, with a clear mind, knowing that I can live with the chronic pain. I follow the Steps each and every day because this program has given me back my life. Just a few weeks before finding these wonderful Steps, I had given up on any hopes and dreams. I prayed, “God, why don’t you just take me . . . this is no life!” I was mad at the world. I was stuck in self-pity. It was always all about me. The Twelve Steps have shown me I can rise above my pain. I still live each and every day with chronic pain, but without the tools of the program and a Power greater than myself, I might have chosen to give up.

I have found that the Twelve-Step program works if you follow it, listen to others in the fellowship, and share your experience, strength, and hope. I have a wonderful CPA group I attend in my city. At each meeting, fellow sufferers come together to learn a new way to live with pain.

My family and friends want to know what has changed in my life. They say this is the first time they have seen me smile in years and that my anger is under control. I tell them that the fellowship of CPA has shown me the way back to my dreams, hopes, and smiles. For the first time in years, I’m going fishing and camping!

I know if I do the work of my Twelve Steps, I can handle what life hands me now. My Higher Power walks with me, a minute at a time and hour after hour, and that I can make it, just for today. I may still have a long road to go, but today, I have made it.